Relationship Expert

May 28, 2020References

Nobody likes to have a relationship ended. Whether you broke up with someone, or were broken up with, you can learn to get over a guy for good. Learn some quick tips to start the healing process, and some methods for distracting yourself from the powerful feelings you might be experiencing. Then learn how to move on.

Part 1 of 3:
Getting Over a Guy (Easy Methods)

1
Stop talking to him. If your relationship is over, stop talking to your ex. That means no Facebook or G-chatting, no texting, no keeping up to date with his dating situation online. Nothing. Even if you plan to be friends later, give it a few weeks at least, to let yourself get over him.^{[1]XResearch source}
- Every time you see him, your feelings are going to bubble back up to the surface. It makes it really difficult to try to get over someone you have to deal with regularly. If you have to see him at school or elsewhere, keep your interactions as brief as possible. Say, "I don't have anything to say to you," and walk away.
- Avoid the ex-stalking Facebook stage of the break-up. There's pretty much nothing to gain from this. If he's already dating someone else, he's a loser anyway and you're lucky to be rid of him.
2
Go out with your friends.^{[2]XExpert SourceJoshua Pompey. Relationship ExpertExpert Interview. 27 November 2019.} Being single can be a good thing. Look at it as a change to get out there and meet more people and have fun with your friends. Just use this point in your life to hang out, instead of worrying about a guy.
- Be around people as much as possible. The more you're alone, the bigger the chance you'll end up obsessed over the dude again. Be around people who'll keep you having fun and thinking about other things.
- Let yourself meet new people you might be interested in when the time is right, but don't rush it.^{[3]XExpert SourceJoshua Pompey. Relationship ExpertExpert Interview. 27 November 2019.} Jumping from boyfriend to boyfriend isn't usually the best idea.
3
Get rid of the mementos. The cute teddy bear your boyfriend gave you last Valentine's Day? Cut its head off and throw it in the garbage. The little calendars and cards and letters he made for you? Toss 'em. Mementos do little but remind you of the loss. Don't keep them to help remember the good times, throw them away.^{[4]XResearch source}
- If you're not ready to complete lose this stuff, then put it in a box at least. Put it somewhere you won't be able to see it for a few weeks. Give it to a friend for safe-keeping if necessary.
4
Talk it out. Get your friends together and talk about how you're feeling. You don't need to solve your problem, but talking about it honestly and openly is a good way to start the healing process.
- Be indulgent. Eat chocolate and watch sappy movies together. Talk about your crappy relationship and support each other. No shame.
- Alternatively, sometimes you might just want to be alone for a while. That's fine. There's no one perfect way to get over a guy. Do what feels natural to you.^{[5]XResearch source}
5
Write it out. Sit down with some paper and pencil or pen. Write his name at the top of the page. Pour yourself a drink, get a box of tissues, and just start writing. Pour out everything that you're feeling, everything that you're angry about, onto the page. Address it to him. Really let him have it. Then, tear up the letter, or burn it, or throw it away. Don't even give him the satisfaction.
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Part 2 of 3:
Getting Busy

1
Keep yourself distracted with exercise. Use your body and your mind to do positive things, instead of mope. If you're feeling depressed and obsessing over a guy, try to work on yourself instead. Exercising helps to expel energy and boost your mood by releasing feel-good endorphins in your brain.^{[6]XResearch source} Get moving if you want to feel better.
- Make your own exercise routine.^{[7]XTrustworthy SourceMayo ClinicEducational website from one of the world's leading hospitalsGo to source} Find a cardio workout by picking 5-10 exercises that you can repeat three times each, about a minute for each exercise. Do this three times a week at home.
2
Do more at work.^{[8]XExpert SourceJoshua Pompey. Relationship ExpertExpert Interview. 27 November 2019.} Spend some extra hours at work, or at school, doing what you need to do. If you're on a sports team, devote extra energy to planning events or extra workouts with your teammates. Put yourself deep into some project to help yourself focus on other things.
- The best revenge is living well. If your ex sees how productive, busy, and happy you are? That's the best way to stick it to him. Show him what he lost.
- On the other hand, it can also be good to take some time off, if you need to. Call in sick, if you're really feeling unproductive and crappy. Take the time you need.
3
Try a new hobby or activity.^{[9]XResearch source} Use your newfound single-status as an excuse to do other new things. If you've always wanted to write a book, but never had the time because of your relationship responsibilities, you've got no excuse now. Pick a new hobby to throw yourself into and distract yourself from the way you're feeling.
- Start reading more.^{[10]XResearch source} Getting lost in a good book can be a great way of forgetting about your troubles.
- Do something creative. Painting, drawing, or other art projects are a great way to get busy.
- Pick a daily-baking project, and try to cook something new each day. Channel your frustration energy into fun projects in the kitchen.
4
Make yourself celebrate your freedom. Every break up is a mixed bag. On the one hand, you're alone. And it usually sucks. On the other hand, you're alone. That means, you can do whatever you want, without worrying about how your ex will react. There's nobody to hold you back anymore. Do what you feel.
- If you feel like blasting Katy Perry at 7 am and eating Fruit Loops in your ugly pajamas, do it. Nobody's going to judge that. Celebrate the fact that you're single.
- That thing he always hated to do? Yeah, do that thing. And enjoy it.
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Part 3 of 3:
Moving On

1
Put an end-date on the sadness. The moping around and being sad is an essential part of getting over a guy. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. But, it shouldn't last forever.^{[11]XResearch source} Eventually, you've got to be the one who says, "This is enough." Decide when you've had it, and when it's time for you to get better. Then move on.
- Good rule of thumb? Don't grieve a relationship for more days than months you were together. If you went out for a year, it's ok to be sad for a couple weeks. But eventually, you've got to get over it.
- Eventually, all the sadness will just get boring. Decide you want something more. Decide you want to be happy.
2
Make a little change. Do something little, but that feels big for you. Let it be a statement of your freedom. Color your hair in a new way, or chop it all off. Do something crazy, or unexpected, like singing karaoke with your friends. Pick something to celebrate your freedom in a surprising way. It'll help.
- Tattoos can be great ways to commemorate a big change in your life, like a break-up. Or unfortunate decisions that you'll be stuck with.^{[12]XResearch source} If you've had a design in mind for a while, but your guy didn't like it, then go for it. If you just want to get some ink to be cool, then maybe you should think about it for a while.
3
Make a significant change. Some relationships can hold you back. Was yours? If so, consider making a bigger change in your life. Use your new freedom and your new time to improve yourself. Decide to change your life for the better.^{[13]XResearch source}
- Try moving to a new place, especially if you shared your old one with your boyfriend. Move out and explore a new neighborhood.
- Did you sacrifice things so that you could work on your relationship? Are you doing what you want to do in life right now? If the answer is no, then make a big change. Switch jobs. Move to a new town. Do what you want to do.
4
Make some new friends.^{[14]XResearch source} Sometimes, when you break up with someone, you can lose a lot of your friends as well. If that's true of your relationship, you might need to find new friends as well so you can hang on to your social life.^{[15]XResearch source} Don't let a break-up ruin your ability to hang out and have fun.
- Hang out with different sorts of people than you might normally hang out with. If you're a sporty-type, hang out with some artsy kids. If you're a smart kid, hang out with some jocks. Give some people a chance.
5
Be selfish for a while. You deserve to be happy and feel confident. Work on developing yourself for a while, instead of worrying about your relationship. Do what you want to do. Live the way you want to live. Let yourself be a little selfish for a while.^{[16]XResearch source}
- Make decisions based on what you want. Work on things like school, and developing your own identity. Be yourself. Hang out with your friends. Make memories.
6
Don't rush back into another relationship. If you're young, there'll be plenty of time to worry about dating. Even if you're not young, it's good to take a little time to worry about other things. Don't worry about finding a new boyfriend for now. Worry about living your life.
- Stop worrying about "the one."^{[17]XResearch source} Lots of people date for a long time before they have a single serious relationship. If you had one, count yourself lucky. Take a bit of time before you start looking for a relationship that you consider serious and lasting.
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